Friday, April 29, 2011

The Sun Is Shining

Photo by Robert Michie
The sun is shining…

You finally got it—you were finally able to see and understand what was needed to make our relationship bloom. You were finally able to see that time, energy and effort must go into the relationship in order for the relationship to bear fruits of love, joy and hope.

But in order for you to give time to the relationship, you needed time. You needed time to understand that long-distance didn’t mean long times of no communication. The distance should be a product of our physical proximity, not our emotional immediacy.  

The sun is shining…

I’m in like with the man you are. I’ve always loved you, but I truly like spending time with you and doing things together. I like how you make me laugh in the mornings with the crazy things you think of; I like how when I start singing a random song, you immediately join in; I like how you call me in the mornings to make sure I’m up. 

The sun is shining because you add light to my life. When your light penetrates my life, it makes my mood better, my perspective change and my disposition alter. 

The clouds rolled away last night to reveal your love. I had been frustrated, upset and confused, but in an instant, you let your love shine through and reveal to me that there’s no need for me to be any of those things. Your love lifted the frustration, eased the anger and simplified the confusion. Your love altered my emotions because I truly felt like you got it. You got that all I’m yearning for is your time and attention, which signals love to me. 

The sun is shining, because you took the time to let it shine…

Wednesday, April 27, 2011


I’m weak—you’ve depleted me. You’ve depleted my energy, my hope, my desire, my happiness. You have depleted me. I’m empty. 

I’m grasping for your love, your affection, your energy to fill me up…to make me whole. I’m looking to you to fulfill your role in my life. I’m leaning on you to provide me laughter, support, entertainment, encouragement and security; but, lately, all you’ve provided me is frustration, pain and doubt. 

I doubt you. I doubt what you’re saying is true. I doubt what you’re feeling is real. I doubt that our time together is forever. I have doubts because you’ve introduced them. Once I’ve been introduced to something, it’s hard for me to forget it. 

I soak everything in—every hurtful moment, every beautiful moment. I store it up and use it as fuel for days like today. Days like today, I’m weak, I’m low; but the beautiful moments of yesterday work to fill me up a bit. I’m confused about your actions and your words; but the loving words of adoration and appreciation turns my confusion to confidence. I’m unsure about how I feel; but the moments I’ve felt in the past work to make up for the feelings of today...

Up, down, up and down
The movement of my emotions
Contrary to a child on a seesaw
This undulation is not enjoyable.
The abrupt changes make me dizzy.
Whirling, whirling, “ashes, ashes
We all fall down,”
Yet I don’t get back up.
Tired , frustrated, upset, confused,
Are only a few of those emotions
That are whirling through my mind.
I’m caught in a current that is
Pulling me towards destruction
“we fall down, but we get up”
“We fall down, but we get up”
These words are chanting in my brain
Suddenly my whithered flower is in full bloom.
Having new hope, I remember that
“a saint is just a sinner who fell down”
But the catch is he “then got up.”
Now my teeter-totter of emotions
Has now become a balance beam.
My emotions are more steady
But it is easier to fall off,
Yet the ultimate coach is there to guide me along
Holding my hand, keeping me strong.
I am weak, but He is there to make me strong!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Trust Is a Must

Where did this lack-of-trust issue come from?
Trusting your mate is essential in a relationship. In fact, I refuse to be in a relationship where trust is an issue because it only leads to bigger issues of jealousy, lack of commitment and insecurities. 

But recently, trust issues have snuck into my relationship without warning, without permission, without warrant. This unwelcome visitor has added tension to my relationship and has introduced doubt. This tension then has a way of resurfacing any time any problem or issue is introduced that looks anything close to our unwelcomed visitor. 

This visitor really made its presence known this weekend when my boyfriend decided he needed to talk to me in that instant; however, the rest of the world had other plans. My boyfriend wanted to talk to me and it seemed as if any and everything possible was prohibiting him from doing so.

It all started when I decided to go to my mom’s house for the weekend. I always have poor reception in her house, so I truly feel like every time I go to my mom’s house, my boyfriend and I end up getting in an argument over the fact that we weren’t able to get a hold of one another. So, that was the first thing. Then, at the particular time that he was calling me, I was asleep; which really isn’t a factor because my phone never rang in the first place (because of the poor reception), but I thought I’d throw that in. Lastly, my phone froze (which I didn’t find out until after I woke up. So when I eventually went to call him, I was unable to dial out and had to restart my phone.

So between sleep, bad reception and computer glitches, the universe seemed to be saying it didn’t want us talking at that particular moment. I went with it, knowing that we would eventually get to talk. My boyfriend didn’t want to go with it; he wanted to talk to me. 

So when he finally was able to get in touch with me, he was mad and frustrated and thought the perfect blend of sleep, reception and glitches was a lie! I must admit, it does seem improbable; however, very true!

So here we are—in an instant, trust issues were introduced. If I would have known that, I might have woken up earlier or put my phone in a part of the house that has better reception. But since I can’t change the past, I will work on kicking out this unwelcome guest!

Friday, April 22, 2011


Does love last forever? According to my 100-year-old grandmother, it does.  Her husband passed away 20 years ago, and yet she still had a lifetime with him. A lifetime filled with endless love, an abounding friendship and an assured mindset. Their love was unquestionable, which made it even more amazing. Their love lasted from life until death.

“...until death do us part…”  But to hear my grandmother tell it, their souls have still never parted. She calls him her lover, she kisses his picture everyday, she relives fond moments with him in her mind. She keeps his spirit alive in her heart. They truly have a love that has lasted forever (at least, their version of forever)!

But do those kinds of love still exist? I look around me and people’s actions constantly remind that those loves don’t exist. People’s actions are telling me that you can love and then leave. People’s actions are telling me that love only lasts through the infatuation stage, and once that’s gone, it’s okay to move to the next one. People’s actions tell me that love gives up easily.

But long-lasting loves are also not perfect loves either. If perfect loves existed, they would be boring loves. The challenges, arguments and trials add character to the relationship and many times makes it stronger.  

So long-lasting loves can exist as long as both individuals aren’t expecting perfection, but continue to strive to get close to it. Long-lasting relationships are a balance of reality with fantasy, work with play, and challenges with joyfulness.

It’s funny because I’ve dreamt about my wedding a couple times recently; and each time, the wedding is a perfect disaster. Either my dress is a mess or I have no bridesmaids or I forget to send out invitations—something always happens that makes it horrible.  But the dream always ends with my seeing Lawrence as I walk down the aisle and immediately have a sense of things being okay. The mere sight of my groom-to-be lets me know that things aren’t ever going to be how we planned; but as long as we have each other, we will be able to make it through. 

My dreams tell me that long-lasting loves can exist if you always value and appreciate each other in your lives.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Letting the Man be "The Man"

Are men and women really that different? Sometimes it feels as if we are extremely different, yet other times it feels like we are eerily similar. And sometimes we are different, but not in traditional ways. Men sometimes take on the traditional “woman” role—more emotional, more sensitive, more affectionate; while women sometimes take on the traditional “man” role—less aware, less talkative, less affected. But just because men and women don’t always play their traditional roles, doesn’t mean either of them is wrong. It just means they are being their true selves and their true selves defy gender labels that society places upon us.

The rub or tension lies when both people are playing the same role. For instance, there doesn’t need to be two aggressive, take charge personalities in the relationship. There also doesn’t need to be two highly emotional personalities either. 

This is precisely the challenge I’m dealing with in my current situation. Letting him play his role and me play mine. I’m always so tempted to creep into his space, play his role, develop his “character;” which hasn’t given him much room to play his part in the relationship. It goes back to the old saying, “Let the man, be the man.” Right now, I’m trying to be the man and the woman in the relationship and I'm not doing either very well. I need to focus on playing my own role, my own part so he can feel more confident in doing what he needs to do in the relationship.

At the same time, he needs to give me the confidence that I can trust him playing that role, that I can trust him being the head of the household, that I can trust him making decisions for the both of us. Because, without that trust, lines will begin to get blurry again and neither of us will have confidence in what we bring to the relationship.   

Are men and women really that different? Whatever the answer, differences are needed in order for each individual to truly understand what they are contributing to the relationship and for each person to appreciate what the other is doing.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Complications in my Fairytale

We've got a little work to do if we want to live happily ever after.
Love is not fair, and it is not easy. Love makes you work and even when you work for it, it still doesn’t always work out. Or if things are working out and everything seems fine, life still knows how to put a wrench in the relationship.  This wrench can be big or small—can be easily overcome or take years to conquer. This wrench is sometimes obvious and noticeable by others or it can be subtle, easily hidden.  

This wrench can tighten or loosen the joints of the relationship—the emotions.  The emotions that are present at every stage of a relationship can be affected by this wrench. This wrench has a lot of power—it can affect whether or not the relationship runs smoothly or not. 

Our wrench is physical proximity—when we are around each other, our relationship runs smoothly; but when we are away from each other, a lot of clogs and barriers get in the way. 

“...You don’t make enough time for me,” I say…

“...You don’t ever sound like you are happy to hear from me,” he says…

“...You don’t ever think of creative things for us to do over the phone,” I say…

“...I’m stimulating for physical interaction and I am unable to do 'me' when we are on the phone,” he says…

All of our excuses, all of our thoughts, all of our debates, anger, frustrations are fueled by the fact that we have this wrench in our relationship. 

Knowing that we can’t remove this wrench, we need to work on loosening the effects of the wrench. Love takes work and we are both willing to work at it until our wrench can be removed.