Friday, October 14, 2011

Drama, Drama, Drama!

The truth about my relationship: Drama, drama, drama!

It’s funny how in relationships, something that starts off as a small disagreement can escalate into a huge problem in a short amount of time. 

When you are in a relationship with someone, it’s almost impossible to sweep an issue under the rug… it always has a way of reappearing. Issues don’t go away—they just mask themselves temporarily. And somehow, the longer you wait to address them, the harder it is to overcome them. And the impact it has on the relationship is bigger. 

My boyfriend and I were caught in this situation.  In fact, we weren’t just caught, we were rendered immobile. We had a slight disagreement last weekend about the limits of our relationship and what’s appropriate to do or not do while the other is not there. Well, fast forward five days later and we were having a full argument about trust and dishonesty! And the whole time we are arguing, I’m asking myself: How did we get here?

I was asking myself that, but I really knew the answer and I knew whose fault it was: MINE. I didn’t address the minor issue when it first occurred, so the longer I went without addressing it, the more problematic it became.  So although we had had no prior issues of trust or dishonesty in our relationship, the fact that I hadn’t addressed the minor issue, created a trust problem. 

And with the trust problem came the infamous DRAMA. My boyfriend and I generally try to keep drama out of our relationship—neither one of us like it.  However, this time, we were a slave to the drama. We couldn’t break free from its reign. It had a hold of us and the more drama we would entertain, the more would come. It was this vicious cycle of drama feeding more drama.

We both knew we needed to come to a resolution but we didn’t know how…

So for now, we are caught…

Friday, October 7, 2011


The truth about my relationship: Not sure I deserve the great relationship I have with my boyfriend…

I feel honored and blessed to have a man like you in my life.  I’m not sure what I did to deserve you; but nevertheless, I’m grateful.  I’m grateful to have you in my life because you are everything I dreamed you would be; truly.  

Six or seven years ago, I made a list of everything I wanted in a future husband.  I know people have different opinions on whether a person should write down a list of “qualifications” they want in a future mate.  However, it was important for me to write down my “must haves” and “nice to haves” in a future mate because I never wanted to settle.  No matter how many years I was single, I didn’t want to just go for anything. So I made a list…

On the list were “nice to haves” like "athletic" and "comes from a two-parent household," but there was also some “must haves” like "being a Christian" and "treating me well." 

My boyfriend matches so many things that I wanted in my future husband.  He meets my “nice to haves” and my “must haves.”  He is so right for me that it’s kind of scary.  How did I ever find someone who was such a great match for me?  I didn’t even seek this person out; it was like he was sent to me.  I believe God sent this excellent match for me, but why?  What did I do to deserve him? 

I have this great guy who is in love with me. We get along well and we trust and respect each other.  We have a great time together and are truly best friends.  I don’t know what I did to deserve a relationship like this…

So maybe I don’t deserve it, but the fact is I have it.  So I guess I need to start focusing on nurturing it and keeping it as opposed to questioning whether I’ve earned it.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Can You Ever Be Too Truthful?

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The truth about my relationship: My boyfriend is being too truthful!
They say “honesty is the best policy.”  In general, I agree with “them,” but there are times when being honest doesn’t actually help the situation. 

I was blissfully unaware of a few things my boyfriend had been doing (don’t worry, he wasn’t cheating on me), but this afternoon he had decided to come clean about some of his extra-curricular activities and behaviors.  None of these confessions contained information that directly impacted me, so when he decided to get these things off his chest, I was unaffected.  I was glad that he felt better; that there was a burden lifted from him, but other than that, I could have done without the information. 

It’s not that I don’t care or that I am heartless, but I have so many other things that do directly affect my life, that I don’t want to give energy to this situation.  Basically, I need to put things in perspective and I don’t want to over-react to this situation.  There are so many other negative things that he could have confessed that when he said what he said I almost chuckled. 

In a world with cheating and men on the down low and illegal activity, what he shared with me was the least of my concerns!

If nothing else, the honesty that he showed this afternoon told me that he really cares about me and wants me to be a part of every aspect of his life—good and the bad.  It’s one step closer toward trusting him and loving him more, which enables me to continue to let my guard down and be vulnerable with him. 

So they say honesty is the best policy…but they also say ignorance is bliss…who wins?