Wednesday, April 27, 2011


I’m weak—you’ve depleted me. You’ve depleted my energy, my hope, my desire, my happiness. You have depleted me. I’m empty. 

I’m grasping for your love, your affection, your energy to fill me up…to make me whole. I’m looking to you to fulfill your role in my life. I’m leaning on you to provide me laughter, support, entertainment, encouragement and security; but, lately, all you’ve provided me is frustration, pain and doubt. 

I doubt you. I doubt what you’re saying is true. I doubt what you’re feeling is real. I doubt that our time together is forever. I have doubts because you’ve introduced them. Once I’ve been introduced to something, it’s hard for me to forget it. 

I soak everything in—every hurtful moment, every beautiful moment. I store it up and use it as fuel for days like today. Days like today, I’m weak, I’m low; but the beautiful moments of yesterday work to fill me up a bit. I’m confused about your actions and your words; but the loving words of adoration and appreciation turns my confusion to confidence. I’m unsure about how I feel; but the moments I’ve felt in the past work to make up for the feelings of today...

Up, down, up and down
The movement of my emotions
Contrary to a child on a seesaw
This undulation is not enjoyable.
The abrupt changes make me dizzy.
Whirling, whirling, “ashes, ashes
We all fall down,”
Yet I don’t get back up.
Tired , frustrated, upset, confused,
Are only a few of those emotions
That are whirling through my mind.
I’m caught in a current that is
Pulling me towards destruction
“we fall down, but we get up”
“We fall down, but we get up”
These words are chanting in my brain
Suddenly my whithered flower is in full bloom.
Having new hope, I remember that
“a saint is just a sinner who fell down”
But the catch is he “then got up.”
Now my teeter-totter of emotions
Has now become a balance beam.
My emotions are more steady
But it is easier to fall off,
Yet the ultimate coach is there to guide me along
Holding my hand, keeping me strong.
I am weak, but He is there to make me strong!

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