Up, down, up down—I’m getting sick. I feel like I’m on a ride that I can’t get off of. It’s like we go as high as we can emotionally and then come rushing back down. Is it possible to have a steady pace of high emotions or are humans just equipped to crave the drops?
It’s like being on a roller coaster—the whole time you inch your way forward, higher and higher, in anticipation of the drop. You’re scared of the drop, but long for it all at the same time. And the whole time leading up to the drop, you have a feeling of satisfaction with expectation—you know the drop is coming but you’re glad it hasn’t come yet. The expectation is so thick that it somewhat overpowers the feeling of contentment you have going higher and higher. The whole way up, you’re getting your mind, body and emotions ready to endure the drop. And once the drop happens, you do a few more twists and turns and the ride is over. You never end on top.
That’s how I feel relationships are sometimes—a journey toward the drop. Relationships only end one of two ways—marriage or breakup, success or failure, inching higher or dropping instantly.
My boyfriend and I have done the drop—twice. This time, we are looking to stay on top. Of course, we are going to have some smaller hills, here and there; our cart may stall on the way up, but our minds, bodies and emotions can’t handle any more major drops. But because we’ve never finished this portion of the ride without coming to a drop, I question whether this particular ride is going to be different.
We both want it to be different—we are two different riders now than when we got on this ride two years ago. We can better handle the small ups and downs and see them for what they are. But we’re both investing a lot of time and energy into this relationship in the hopes that this time will be different. It feels different, but we just never know which one of these little hills could take us off course and make us lose sight of what we want—which is to keep inching our way up.