Friday, May 13, 2011

Walking on Egg Shells

I’m sometimes walking on egg shells with you. I feel like I can’t do anything right.  If I have an emotionless tone, you think I’m mad and have an attitude. If I have an excited and sweet tone, you think I’m talking like a baby. I feel like I can’t win with you—it’s exhausting!

You pay so close attention to every slight nuance of my voice. If anything sounds even slightly off, you pick up on it. I don’t want to complain too much, because at least you are paying attention to me, but I just feel constrained. 

I try to look at it from your perspective, because I know I can be extreme sometimes. I guess you feel like my tone should always be pleasant, because we should always be excited to hear from each other and that should be reflected in our voices. You feel like if anything is off, then it’s your job to call it out and make it better. You feel like if I’m ever upset with you, I should bring it up immediately. 

And how can I argue with those things?! Those are all good actions—I should always be pleasant with you, you should always mention if something doesn’t sound right with me, I should always tell you if something is wrong! All of these things are good things—I guess I’m just not used to them. I’m used to hiding my feelings and then just getting over it. I’m used to dealing with things myself. But I can’t do that in relationships—I must let you in and see you as my advocate, not my adversary. 

I feel like I’m walking on egg shells with you, but I’m the one that one whose shell needs to be cracked… 

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