Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The Language of Love

What is your language of love? How do you communicate love to your partner? 

My boyfriend and I are trying to figure out the answer to that question right now. I’ve always thought I liked to receive love through words of affirmation—I like to hear "I love you" and like to hear sweet things. However, because of the nature of our relationship, love is only being expressed through words and I’m now feeling as if I want to receive love in other ways as well. 

Conversely, my boyfriend likes to receive love through physical touch, so when we are unable to be around each other, he doesn’t feel as loved. So in order to receive the love he needs, he puts more emphasis on words of affirmation.  Then, when we are able to be around each other, he seemingly overcompensates on the physical touch in an attempt to make up for the weeks of no touch he has received. 

So in the beginning of our relationship, we were giving and receiving love in the same language—words of affirmation.  However, as the weeks and months have gone on, I’m no longer as satisfied with just words and also am yearning for the quality time. I need to know I am a priority in his life—not just because he says it, but because he shows it. Therefore, since this language shift has occurred, I find that there is more tension between the two of us because he wants me to continue to express my love through words and expressions, and I want him to express his love through giving of time. I want him to schedule time in the evenings for us to talk on the phone, I want him to randomly come visit me one weekend and I want him to find things that we can do over the phone to better connect with each other. I know that he cares and loves me, but I just need it demonstrated outside of the traditional way.

The languages of love are simple to understand, but complicated to execute.  But when couples are communicating love and affection in the same way, it does elevate the status and meaning of the relationship and better allows a couple to grow together rather than apart.

So what is your language of love?

1 comment:

  1. My love languages are straight forward. Physical touch and words of affirmation. I need the hugs, holding hands, kisses, etc. I can relate to you in terms of needing time spent together, because if I don't get that time with the one I love, then I am all kinds of messes! One-on-one time does bring a closeness between two. When it comes to giving a love language, I tend to overdo the Acts of Service and Gifts, need to work on that, even though my honeybear does not ask for anything but for me to love him. Love languages really do make a world of difference once you understand them and execute them.