Friday, February 18, 2011

Does Absence Really Make the Heart Grow Fonder?

Although we're together, sometimes I feel so alone.
It is a foreign and unwelcome feeling to be separated from the one you love.  Not separated in terms of emotion and circumstance, but separated in terms of proximity. Emotionally our relationship is strong, but our feelings and emotions are forced to overcompensate for what may be lacking physically. 

My boyfriend and I are forced to express our love through words, expressions and anecdotes—essentially we are limited by our vocabulary. The way in which I express the depth of my love is limited to the depth of creativity I have with my language. There are only so many ways to say “I love you,” and I feel like we’ve exhausted them all. 

There are certain ways to communicate love that can only be done when you’re near the one you love. The way he looks into my eyes tells me he loves me. The way he has to hold my hand or touch my knee if we are sitting next to each other tells me he loves me. The unpredictable moments he decides to give me a foot rub tells me he loves me. So many little things he does when we are near each other tells me he loves me. In fact, because he is constantly communicating love non-verbally to me when we are near each other, by the time he actually says the words, it’s almost unnecessary. 

However, the reality is that we aren’t near each other most of the time, and we aren’t able to express our love fully to each other. In fact, since we are forced to express our love through one avenue, the meaning and feelings behind the expression gets lost. “I love you” transforms to a very shallow statement when it’s being said so many times in a day. There’s only so many “very much” and “so much” statements that you can put on the end of “I love you” before that starts to get old as well. 

The heart yearns for love and it gives and receives love through touch, sight and sound. Currently, the heart is using sound to communicate 100% of its love and that feels insufficient, incomplete. The heart is anticipating the stutter that occurs when the object of its affection grazes the skin. The heart is anticipating the quickened pace that occurs when the loved one uses the eyes to see the soul. The heart is anticipating being closer to the source of its desire, so it can fully express its adoration and devotion… 

Currently, my boyfriend and I are separated…but the heart will only wait patiently for so long before it influences the mind and body to close the distance between he and I.

…separation deadens the depth of love. 

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