That Special Kind of Attention

Attention is addictive. I crave it, yearn for it. I need it. But not just any attention, I need attention from a man. And not just any man, I need attention from my man. 

I need him to show me that he not only loves me, but he is still drawn to me and attracted to me. Attraction is a feeling that can’t be expressed in words.  Attraction isn’t forced, it can’t be made up; it just is. When my boyfriend and I are around each other, we are highly attracted to one another, but we don’t know how to show that feeling when we are apart. And that feeling is what I crave. I thirst for attention, for that feeling of attraction, but I’ve been stripped of that feeling. I’m dehydrated, but I didn’t know my thirst wasn’t being quenched until I got a taste of that attraction yesterday. 

I was dropping my car off at the car shop, and I could have sworn the car service guy was flirting with me. And as soon as I got a taste of that flirtation, my “female-ness” perked up and started grasping for more. You don’t know what you’re missing if you’re not getting it. Before yesterday, I was content to live life, go to work, talk to my boyfriend over the phone and go to bed. After yesterday, I’m not content with that anymore. I need the attention, the energy, the feeling of a man every day. My “female-ness” needs to interact with his “male-ness” so I can truly feel loved and wanted. I’ve gotten a taste of the drug and can’t turn back now. 

This is a dangerous place to be in because I’m craving something that’s not easily accessible (at least, not with the person I want the attention from). Women have been known to do crazy things for the attention of a guy and I’m not quite ready to go to that level. But, who knows, if I don’t get some attention soon, I might have to start making spontaneous trips to Atlanta where my boyfriend live—because this craving know no bounds! 

Out of Control...But in a Good Way

You make my day—you make my day better, brighter and bigger. You have a way of seeping into my core and filling me up with joy. You permeate my being and cause me to explode with delight from the inside out.

And it’s the little things you do that cause me to feel so overwhelmed with joy.  It’s the way you send me little pictures and notes throughout the day. It’s the way you describe how beautiful I am to you. It’s the way you make me laugh—laugh so hard that I can’t control myself. Two days ago, I literally hit the car in front of me because I was laughing so hard about something you said.  My hysterical laughing while at the red light caused me to let my foot off the break a bit and roll into the car in front of me. Luckily it didn’t cause any damage to the person’s car, but this is what you do to me—you cause me to lose control. 

I feel out of control when I’m around you; like I’m operating purely on emotion as opposed to thought. I’m love drunk—I’m not making clear decisions. All the decisions I’m making are with my heart and not my head; which may be a good thing…

My heart experiences things deeper. It makes ordinary things seem superb, like a fantasy. My world when I’m with you is filled with unicorns and rainbows and care bears! Clouds in the shape of hearts are floating around in the sky and all day I just bounce around from one cushy surface to the next. 

You make my day better because I’ve finally allowed you to impact my days. I’m so glad I’ve finally opened my heart up to you because the wonder and glee I see and feel is something I would never want to escape. 

Mixed Emotions

My sunny days aren’t always sunny—there’s a cloud overhead. 

My joyful days aren’t always joyous—there a sadness that’s felt.

My loving days aren’t always loving—there is anger in my heart. 

My easy days aren’t always easy—life makes them hard. 

My beautiful days aren’t always beautiful—there is ugliness that’s real.  

My healthy days aren’t always healthy—there’s a sickness I feel. 

My stable days aren’t always stable—there’s turmoil within. 

My perfect days aren’t always perfect—there are flaws that come in.

But through the clouds, the sadness, anger and difficulty; through the ugliness, sickness, turmoil and flaws, there is still hope, still care and still adoration for you. 

The clouds last for a moment and then disperse to reveal the beautiful sunlight.  The sadness is fleeting and uncovers the deep affection and joy. The anger is momentary, but unearths the passion and love. Life is sometimes hard, but enables appreciation of the ease. The ugliness is temporary and builds the beauty that is permanent. The sickness comes on quickly and also leaves quickly to facilitate the health. The turmoil is inevitable and makes the stable days fresh. The flaws are expected, but make the perfection a goal!

The negativity that may come in from time to time only makes me more appreciative of the care, respect and admiration that are a constant cord running through the core of our relationship. 

“…Sometimes you have to go through the pain to experience the joy…”

Putting the Spark Back Into Your Relationship

What’s the key to keeping the spark in a relationship? When the honeymoon phase is over, how do you ensure the passion remains?

When relationships transform from leisure into work, a shift occurs within the dynamics of the couple’s interactions where they start to become complacent and bored. They are not turned on as easily as before—they fall into the “danger zone” called status quo.

When you are in the “danger zone,” the way your man touches you or tries to tickle you, is annoying instead of cute. When you’re in the “danger zone,” the random, erratic way your man breathes when he sleeps is irritating instead of endearing. When you are in the “danger zone,” the cute little things you used to do to get your man’s attention just seem like overkill now.

The “danger zone” is ridden with eroding relationships, dissatisfied couples and jaded individuals. The “danger zone” is a place of forced acceptance of your reality.

When I come in contact with couples in the dreaded zone, I am saddened. I am saddened because here are two individuals who were once in love, but have let life get in the way of like. They have fallen into the trap of thinking lack of affection, lack of communication, lack of passion, lack of spontaneity and lack of intimacy are just the natural evolutions of relationships. But, really, those things are present in a relationship that has been taken for granted. When couples begin to assume the other will always be around or assume they don’t have to do anything extra anymore since they are married, or assume that the passion doesn’t need to be there as long as the love is there; that’s when they may begin assuming the title of “ex.” 

Couples need to start working toward a healthy relationship to enhance the love instead of letting an unhealthy relationship erode the love. 

The Power of Love

Love truly is powerful—it can make you do things that are seemingly out of character for you. Love can transform your mood or perspective on life. Love can encourage you, motivate you and persuade you. Love can put a rosy outlook on a bad situation. 

Love can do many things…but what Love cannot do is take away the little things that annoy you. Love can mask those little things for awhile, try to pretend like those little annoyances do not exist; but it cannot eliminate them completely.  And unfortunately, the one you love the most ends up being the one that can get you to that “annoyed” state the quickest. 

My boyfriend’s ANNOYING QUALITY OF THE WEEK is that he refuses to get a new cell phone charger. A couple months back, he misplaced his phone charger and has been using his car charger to charge his phone battery. Normally, I wouldn’t get upset over such a minor detail because at least he still has a method by which to charge his phone (i.e. the car); HOWEVER, it’s not that simple because his lack of a wall charger is impacting our relationship. It all came to a head one night when I thought he must be dead:

I’m sitting at home Wednesday evening watching TV when I get a text from my boyfriend saying he is on his way home and will call me within the hour. One hour goes by—no call. Thirty more minutes, still nothing. I don’t worry about it because I just figured it was taking him a bit longer than he expected to get home. Two hours now have gone by and I decide to text him: “Where are you”?  No response. Texts, calls, more texts—no response. At this point, 2 hours and 37 minutes go by and I’m thinking the worse.  Did something happen? Did he get in an accident? I hope he is okay. God, please let him by okay. Somewhere in the midst of worrying I fall asleep on the couch and am awaken at 3 in the morning by a phone call. My boyfriend is on the other line apologizing. I’m sorry, blah blah blah. I accidentally let my phone on the charger in my car and fell asleep.

So…all this time I’m thinking something awful has happened to him and he was just charging his phone! I was SUPER annoyed…and still am a little bit…

Clearly I still love him and my feelings for him have not changed. BUT my love for him was not able to overcome the extreme level of annoyance I had in that instance. 

Love is powerful—but not powerful enough!