Putting the Spark Back Into Your Relationship

What’s the key to keeping the spark in a relationship? When the honeymoon phase is over, how do you ensure the passion remains?

When relationships transform from leisure into work, a shift occurs within the dynamics of the couple’s interactions where they start to become complacent and bored. They are not turned on as easily as before—they fall into the “danger zone” called status quo.

When you are in the “danger zone,” the way your man touches you or tries to tickle you, is annoying instead of cute. When you’re in the “danger zone,” the random, erratic way your man breathes when he sleeps is irritating instead of endearing. When you are in the “danger zone,” the cute little things you used to do to get your man’s attention just seem like overkill now.

The “danger zone” is ridden with eroding relationships, dissatisfied couples and jaded individuals. The “danger zone” is a place of forced acceptance of your reality.

When I come in contact with couples in the dreaded zone, I am saddened. I am saddened because here are two individuals who were once in love, but have let life get in the way of like. They have fallen into the trap of thinking lack of affection, lack of communication, lack of passion, lack of spontaneity and lack of intimacy are just the natural evolutions of relationships. But, really, those things are present in a relationship that has been taken for granted. When couples begin to assume the other will always be around or assume they don’t have to do anything extra anymore since they are married, or assume that the passion doesn’t need to be there as long as the love is there; that’s when they may begin assuming the title of “ex.” 

Couples need to start working toward a healthy relationship to enhance the love instead of letting an unhealthy relationship erode the love. 

Higher and Higher...Closer to Our Dream

Reaching new levels in relationships—progressing from love to partnership.  

As relationships progress to the next level and elevate in richness and quality, there has to be more than just love. There has to be more than the “baby I love yous” and “baby I miss yous.” There must be something deeper, because the intense “in-love” stage is fleeting and what you’re left with is work. After the first year of a relationship, the desire to call every five minutes and the adoration for his “quirky” qualities wear off, and you are left with a man who is starting to annoy you.  You still love him, but the infatuation has diminished. That is why it is so important to not just have a lover, but have a partner. Have a mate that is also your friend, also your consultant, also your helper; because if you have those things, when the “in-love” stage fades, you can progress to the “in respect” and “in appreciation” stages.

This progression is what my boyfriend and I are attempting to transition to now. He and I are using each other as advisors to our career paths, consultants to our life’s problems, and guides to our personal journeys. Our desire is to be involved in every aspect of each other’s lives—fully integrated in order to know each other completely. 

This integration is not always easy; it takes work sometimes. The process of involving someone else in your business, seeking their advice for your issues, planning events around them is not always natural or instinctive; therefore, it takes work. But the work is highly gratifying. It’s gratifying when you are struggling with a tough issue in your life and are too proud to talk about it with someone in fear of judgment; but when you do finally solicit the help of your boyfriend, he is super understanding and helps you work through the issue. 

The way your mate responds to situations can also enhance your love for them. So, in a way, as I’m transitioning from lover to partner with my boyfriend, our partnership may be just a fuller, more encompassing level of love and adoration.