The Shadow over My Happiness

Happiness is relative. Happiness can be determined by other people’s happiness. Happiness can be momentary. Happiness can be fleeting. Happiness can be…overpowered. Yes, it can be overpowered by loneliness, insecurity, mistrust, frustration, doubt—essentially any negativity. 

Recently, I’ve been letting those things affect my happiness. I’ve been letting these outside forces affect my mood, affect my view on life, affect how I operate.

I’m not happy right now and I need to be. I’m fairly happy with myself, but not happy with my boyfriend.   I love my boyfriend, but in this particular moment, I’m not happy with where we are. 

I feel like we are fluttering around trying to get to the next landing and can’t seem to make it. Where we are trying to go seems further and further away, which makes us lose hope. My hopelessness is causing me to put a little less effort it, try a little less hard, care a little less than I used to.

I want us to make it…I’m in love with this man. I just don’t know why it has to be so hard. Why do we have to work so hard to be happy? Or is this a test? Maybe we have to work so hard now to prove that we can make it in the future—“if you can handle this, you can handle anything” type thing…

Maybe I’m failing the test. Maybe my happiness is supposed to endure the low points.  Maybe my current mood is evidence that I give up too soon. 

I want to be in it for the long haul, but this current portion of the journey is taking a toll on me…

Our circumstances are tearing me down.  He still has faith in us; I just hope his faith is enough for the both of us.

Needing My Partner In My Relationship

I’m over it. I’m over him saying one thing and doing another. Or better yet, saying one thing and not doing anything at all.

Just when I think we’ve made progress in our relationship and moving toward doing what is best for the relationship, something happens that pushes us further apart. And I can’t help but think he is the culprit–I can’t help but think he is pushing us apart. He is not intentionally being destructive to our relationship, but ignorantly. He doesn’t know that his apathy is sabotaging us. 

But intentional or not, I’ve reached my breaking point.  Something must change—his apathy is affecting my happiness.

He rarely follows through with what he says he’s going to do and when he does follow through, it’s only because I’ve asked and reminded him three or four times. He does not take action until something bad has already happened. 

I am over it.

The lack of action and “extra” in our relationship is leading to the demise of the relationship.  You can’t sustain a healthy relationship if you aren’t feeding it and nurturing it.  He and I go on day after day doing the same old things.  We do not add any pizzazz or spice to the relationship.  The relationship is getting boring and we need something to bring us out of our funk, because…

I am over it!

I’m to blame as well; I understand that. But I cannot do something about the relationship by myself. I need help. I want his help. I want him to be by my side, to be my partner. 

I want us to be in it together. 

The True Measure of Love

How do you measure love? Do you measure it by the number of times you say it? Do you measure it by the amount of nice things you do? Do you measure it by the amount of money you spend? Or is it immeasurable? Is it so abstract and undefined that you can’t put a number or quantity or percentage around it? I feel that you love me; therefore, it must be the case…

Whichever way you measure love, its faulty, it’s subjective. The measure of love is on a case-by-case basis; therefore, the way I express my love to one person and the way he receives that love may be totally different from the way another person receives that love. 

If there were an objective, universal way to measure love, I believe that would alleviate much tension in people’s relationships. If there were one way to express love, then couples wouldn’t have to guess whether or not the other person loved them as much or loved them at all; it would be transparent—which is what most people want, a transparent love; a love you don’t have to guess or worry about. 

Transparency would enable blind love to see again. It would transform the battlefield of love into a playground. It would stop love from hurting and allow it to help. Transparency would take out the ugly side of love. 

However, in absence of having a magic wand to make everyone express love the exact same way, couples should start forcing transparency into their relationships. A healthy relationship should have a transparent love—a love that doesn’t play games, a love that is honest, a love that is unashamed. 

We can’t actually measure love, but we can make it so we don’t need to…

Challenging Times

Love is defined during challenging times. The different textures and layers of love are made more visible when a couple goes through the tough times together. It’s easy to love someone when there’s sunshine and rainbows outside; but when it’s rainy and cloudy, it’s hard enough to love yourself. So when two individuals who love each other can go through turbulent times and make it out the other end, that’s when love is truly made evident. 

The trying times brings out the character of the individuals, and the character of the relationship. The trying times brings out the flaws and the flavors, the attitudes and the adoration, the crazy and the creative. It brings out the best and worst qualities of our characters; therefore, those character traits are forced to work in overdrive to quickly work through the situation. In healthy relationships, this is where the love takes over. It’s in the dirt that beautiful flowers take form. 

The love stretches and twists to provide a covering over the shame, the guilt, the anger, the frustration, the pride.  The love is the only protection a relationship has from the outside forces and challenges. Without a strong love, the relationship is susceptible to destruction. Any weak link or crack is exposed during times of turmoil.

Love is also necessary during challenging times.  Love provides protection, but it also provides refuge. Sometimes love is the only escape from all the negativity brought on you and your relationship. When everything else around you is going wrong, you know that you can take solace in the fact that love will bring you out of the situation. 

Sometimes we baby love—try to shelter it from wear and weather. But love is strong and can endure the strain and stress you put it under. When a couple puts their love to the test, they are often surprised with the outcome—both good and bad.  Because when love is stretched and pull the core is exposed and you are able to see what is really behind the love…

Has your love been defined?...