Friday, August 26, 2011

Shaken by the Past

I'm looking ahead on my more looking back!
Yesterday, I ran into someone I used to date. Physically, I kept it moving—didn’t pause, didn’t look back, didn’t miss a step. But mentally, I was a bit rattled.  I didn’t expect to see him; I hadn’t seen him since we had stopped talking…

We had stopped talking so abruptly that I always imagined that if I ever saw him again I would have so many questions, so many things to say, so many things to get off my mind. But when I actually saw him, I had nothing to say. It wasn’t worth it—I didn’t care. In that moment, I was so happy with myself and with my life that it didn’t matter why this person did the things he did. I didn’t feel like absorbing the negative energy of a past relationship; drowning myself in the “what ifs” and the “how comes.”

It didn’t matter.  In that moment, the thing I felt good about is that I have a man who loves me; who wouldn’t hurt me; and who’s here for the long run. I have the absolute right man for me and this man that I had just run into was just a step in the journey toward finding that right man. 

But, I must admit, even with being so in love with my boyfriend and knowing that he’s the right one for me…my emotions did go haywire for a bit when I saw him.  We were walking toward each other and I didn’t know if I was supposed to smile or be mean, if I should wave or not move, if I should stop and talk or keep walking…

So many questions, but in the end, I think I did the exact right thing and kept it moving. And that’s just it…you got to keep it moving. You can’t look in your past and try to analyze it or try to make it better than what it was. It’s in the past for a reason.

I needed to look ahead of me and get to where I was going…so that’s what I’ve done.

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