I need to be happy with myself and I need to be happy with the one I’m with. My man needs to make me happy…at all times. I want to be happy at all times. I want him to be able to fix my bad days, lighten my heavy mood, ease my weary spirit, solve my toughest issues. I want him to love all over me and kiss away my pain. In times when I can’t make myself feel better, I want him to come to my rescue.
I must admit, sometimes I need him. I need him to be there for me and that’s hard for me to say. It’s hard for me to admit that I need this man in my life, not out of dependence, but out of desire. I need his spirit, I need his energy. I need him.
Although I need him, I refuse to tell him that. I refuse to let him know my full desire for him. Why? I'm not sure. A pride thing, I guess. I can’t let him know that my happiness is reliant upon his happiness.
When I was totally reliant on him in the past, it burned me. He ended up abusing my love and I just can’t go through that again. I used to be smitten; now, I’m smarter. I don’t want to love blindly…I don’t want to get hurt.
I want to be happy. I want to love freely. I want him to know how much I love him—but at what cost?