Love's All-Encompassing Embrace

My heart is racing.

Faster and faster it beats,

And with every beat, I feel the heat

of your love surrounding me.

Surrounding me,

engulfing me,

grabbing me,

hugging me,

encompassing me…

Til I’m free—

free of the burdens,

the heartaches,

the pain,

the guilt,

the loneliness.

Free of myself,

 the insecurities and the doubt

Wrapped in his love

 ‘til all the hurt comes out

His love—his pure, amazing love

that releases the cares.

His sweet, unassuming love

          That is an answer to prayers.

It covers my heart

          With a coat of joy

Its thick shield of protection

          Blocks the noise.

Completely comfortable

          And saturated in your love.

It coddles and holds me like a glove.

The thought of your love causes my heart to race.

I’m fully entwined in love’s embrace.

Ready with an Open Heart

To be loved. To be loved. Oh, what a feeling to be loved! The feeling of being loved completely is something I’ve never experienced before. Anytime either I or he tried to make it past that door, circumstances stopped us—stopped us hard and fast. 

Love is a human need. I need love. I need to be loved, yet I was always being held back by nature—human nature. Why?  Because human nature told me that I shouldn’t give all of myself. Human nature told me that this couldn’t possibly last forever. Human nature told me that he was too good to be true. Human nature lied to me! Because I believed the lies, I was forced to stay and rest in the same stage; a stage called "complacency." I was forced to love but not fully, love but not completely, love but not all of me. 

I’m over that—I’m ready to love! My heart is open and ready to find yours!

Now I Know What I Want

He's at the center of my thoughts...even in my dreams.

Every time I talk about you I want to be back together with you. Every time I relive our time together, I want to be back together with you. As I’m writing these words, I want to call you and tell you I love you and never stopped loving you. 

I search for you in my dreams—just waiting for a glimpse of you among the jumble of images, characters and abstract beings. In the midst of the haze, you reveal your face. Our love is so strong, so vivid, so real in my dream that I awake thinking, feeling, hoping that you will be lying next to me. I feel like staying asleep forever just so I can be with you. 

I get a taste of your pure, unadulterated love and I immediately succumb to your spell. I’m in—all in. I want you. I want you back and I’m not afraid to say it!

Letting Go of Control

I’m so confused. Am I supposed to be with you? Are we supposed to get back together? Are we supposed to live life together? What am I supposed to do?  Am I supposed to do anything? Should I try to do something? Anything? Take action instead of sit back? Or should I wait on you? I feel like I should wait…wait on you. It’s time for you to take action. Time for you to be a man. Time for you to pursue me. Time for me to sit back. Time for me to be the woman. Time for me to be pursued.

So that’s what I’m going to do… I’m tired of thinking… I’m tired of being confused. I’m tired of wondering what comes next. So I’m going to rest. I’m going to give my mind a rest. I’m going to give my heart a rest. I’m going to give my emotions a rest. I’m going to let you do the rest.

Confusion is in the past. It has defined our past, but I refused to let it define our present…at least not my present. That was the beauty of changing our future to my future—there wouldn’t be anymore confusion. So confusion is in the past.  And it doesn’t matter what is supposed to happen. I won’t have to try to do anything. Wait. Wait for you to do your part. While I’m waiting, I need to see if there are other men out there for me. Because there will come a time when I’ll be tired of waiting. And I’ll want to see if you really do stand above the rest. 

You hold our future in your hand, but my hand is outstretched waiting for you to come and take it! 

Venturing Into the Unknown

I’m confused. Seriously. I have all these feelings and emotions, and I don’t know which way they are pulling me. For every feeling and thought telling me to go in one direction, there is an equal and opposite feeling telling me to go another (I think I’ve finally figured out what Isaac Newton was talking about!). I truly don’t know what to do. Should I get back together with my ex or should I stay single?

I feel like if I’m enjoying my single life and my independence, then there needs to be a pretty compelling reason to move away from this comfortable state I’m in.  And to be honest, I haven’t discovered that reason yet! My ex is thoughtful, considerate, funny and loving, but he will be all of those things tomorrow. So I need something more than that. I need to know why I can’t live without him right now. And maybe that’s the problem—I want to know too much and there are some things you will never know. You can think things or believe things or feel things, but maybe never know them.

But right now, I’m not even sure what I think, feel or believe. The only feeling I have is confusion and for now, I’m content with that.