Disconnected

I love you. I love you always, but you don’t always see that. I think of you in the morning when I wake up and at night when I go to bed, but you don’t always think that. I know you and I know how I feel when I’m with you, but you don’t always know that. I understand you and your actions, but you don’t understand that.

There’s a disconnect sometimes in what I feel and what I show. I feel like I’m in love with you, like I can’t stop thinking about you, like I want to be your wife.  But sometimes I show you that I don’t care, like I’m not 100% committed, like other things come before you. 

I don’t know where the disconnect comes from—I don’t know why I can’t show you all the things I’m feeling and thinking. I want to show you, I want you to know how full of joy I am when I’m with you, but sometimes the energy I give off inhibits me from showing you the love I have inside. And when I give off this negative energy, it puts a strain on our relationship. 

You are really sensitive to the energy I give off. You are able to detect slight differences in the emotions and actions that I display. Slight nuances that no one else would recognize, you see. Not only do you see the changes, you are immensely affected by the changes. Any slight detachment in emotion from me makes you feel unwanted, unappreciated and unloved. In turn, your feelings of not being wanted bring about frustration. You become frustrated with me and, in turn, I get confused, because I didn’t know I was giving off that negative energy.

It’s a spiraling affect that all stems from me not showing you all the love I have inside. 

I love you always; you will always see that. I think of you always; you will always think that. I know you; you will always know that. I understand you; you will always understand that…

The Language of Love

What is your language of love? How do you communicate love to your partner? 

My boyfriend and I are trying to figure out the answer to that question right now. I’ve always thought I liked to receive love through words of affirmation—I like to hear "I love you" and like to hear sweet things. However, because of the nature of our relationship, love is only being expressed through words and I’m now feeling as if I want to receive love in other ways as well. 

Conversely, my boyfriend likes to receive love through physical touch, so when we are unable to be around each other, he doesn’t feel as loved. So in order to receive the love he needs, he puts more emphasis on words of affirmation.  Then, when we are able to be around each other, he seemingly overcompensates on the physical touch in an attempt to make up for the weeks of no touch he has received. 

So in the beginning of our relationship, we were giving and receiving love in the same language—words of affirmation.  However, as the weeks and months have gone on, I’m no longer as satisfied with just words and also am yearning for the quality time. I need to know I am a priority in his life—not just because he says it, but because he shows it. Therefore, since this language shift has occurred, I find that there is more tension between the two of us because he wants me to continue to express my love through words and expressions, and I want him to express his love through giving of time. I want him to schedule time in the evenings for us to talk on the phone, I want him to randomly come visit me one weekend and I want him to find things that we can do over the phone to better connect with each other. I know that he cares and loves me, but I just need it demonstrated outside of the traditional way.

The languages of love are simple to understand, but complicated to execute.  But when couples are communicating love and affection in the same way, it does elevate the status and meaning of the relationship and better allows a couple to grow together rather than apart.

So what is your language of love?