Disconnected

I love you. I love you always, but you don’t always see that. I think of you in the morning when I wake up and at night when I go to bed, but you don’t always think that. I know you and I know how I feel when I’m with you, but you don’t always know that. I understand you and your actions, but you don’t understand that.

There’s a disconnect sometimes in what I feel and what I show. I feel like I’m in love with you, like I can’t stop thinking about you, like I want to be your wife.  But sometimes I show you that I don’t care, like I’m not 100% committed, like other things come before you. 

I don’t know where the disconnect comes from—I don’t know why I can’t show you all the things I’m feeling and thinking. I want to show you, I want you to know how full of joy I am when I’m with you, but sometimes the energy I give off inhibits me from showing you the love I have inside. And when I give off this negative energy, it puts a strain on our relationship. 

You are really sensitive to the energy I give off. You are able to detect slight differences in the emotions and actions that I display. Slight nuances that no one else would recognize, you see. Not only do you see the changes, you are immensely affected by the changes. Any slight detachment in emotion from me makes you feel unwanted, unappreciated and unloved. In turn, your feelings of not being wanted bring about frustration. You become frustrated with me and, in turn, I get confused, because I didn’t know I was giving off that negative energy.

It’s a spiraling affect that all stems from me not showing you all the love I have inside. 

I love you always; you will always see that. I think of you always; you will always think that. I know you; you will always know that. I understand you; you will always understand that…