Feeling and Connection

My Truth about Relationships: More feeling and less thinking!

I realized tonight that I have been doing much thinking in my relationship and not as much feeling.  I was talking with another couple, and they were discussing how they feel spiritually connected.  Not "spiritually connected" in the cliche' kind of way, but truly connected in the kind of way where they actually feel what the other one is feeling.  They feel the energy of the other one and literally take on the emotion that the other one is feeling.

After I got past the "really?" stage, I actually thought what the couple was describing was beautiful and decided that was what I want to have with my boyfriend.  Over the time that my boyfriend and I have been dating, the deep feelings have faded to more of a dull touch.  This is not to say that we don't love each other, but it is to say that we have allowed the passion to decline.  But what I learned from this couple is that passion does not have to decline.  Passion is a choice. It is a choice because it stems from being open, being vulnerable, being honest, being real, being YOU.  A person must choose to be all those things and trust that their partner will reciprocate.  It's once both people are choosing to be raw that passion reveals itself.

I'm ready to rekindle my passion, but I'm also a bit uncomfortable with "going all in."  I'm a bit uncomfortable with really exposing myself to my boyfriend.  He obviously knows me, but I'm talking about exposing the things that I second guess saying to him; the things that I second guess doing.

Join me on my journey toward getting comfortable with feeling.

Vulnerability for the Sake of Being Vulnerable

As I’ve been on this journey of understanding who I am—in and out of relationships—one of the things I have been struggling with is vulnerability. I have not allowed myself to be completely vulnerable in relationships and I have been trying to figure out why. Fear? Lack of emotional investment? Lack of trust? I fully explored all of those things, really trying to uncover the deep-seeded emotional problem in my life.

What I am discovering is that I have to have a reason to be vulnerable. I have to have a reason to be open to hurting and being defenseless. Currently, I have no reason, no basis for being vulnerable. To be vulnerable is to be weak, defenseless, caught off guard; therefore, just based upon pure definition, one is most vulnerable when they are surprised or taken out of their comfort zone. So if I’m living my daily routine and everything is status quo, there is no reason to expose my vulnerabilities, because I’m comfortable and confident in my environment. In order to truly bring the vulnerable side of me out, I need change in my life, I need something different to happen.

I believe that’s the thing that’s missing in the relationship I’m currently in—the element of surprise. Everything we do is so methodical that I always know what’s coming. I know much of that has to do with our being in a long-distance relationship.  We have to have set times to talk and set times to visit each other, but we are going to have to bring some spontaneity into the relationship in order to keep it fresh, passionate and honest. Much of vulnerability is about honesty and being willing to express all of you. Spontaneity challenges the status quo and forces new emotions and behaviors to come out that had not been exposed before. Spontaneity strips away the layers of confidence and comfort to expose the vulnerabilities. 

That’s what needs to happen. I need to be caught off guard enough that my confidence does not get in the way of my love and humility—the softer side of me. I need a reason to be vulnerable…without that reason, something in me won’t allow myself to expose the inner most parts…I won’t allow myself to be vulnerable for vulnerability’s sake…