I try to act like I’m sane, like I don’t do and say irrational things; but the truth of the matter is, I do! I could be fine one minute and as soon as my boyfriend says something to “set me off,” I’m not fine anymore. In fact, I’m the opposite of fine. I get irritated, angry, annoyed, and frustrated. My eyes involuntarily begin to roll, my heart beat begins to quicken and my mind starts to race. It races to see how quickly it can come up with a reason why whatever he is saying or doing is stupid, crazy, pointless, or insensitive. The mind races toward a finish line of being “right,” but once I get there, I realized I haven’t really won anything.
So then once I’ve realized that this “competition” (that I was in by myself) was pointless and dissatisfying, I immediately begin the race toward undoing what I’ve just said so things can be pleasant again. There is no point in being “right” when everyone else is left. There should be comfort in “right,” confidence in “right,” faith in “right.” But when my boyfriend and I are in a disagreement and I’m “right,” I don’t always feel comfortable. I’m usually uncomfortable because the right and wrong that we were debating was minor and I end up looking crazy because I debate it as if it were major.
This crazy person (me) ends up being in this crazy cycle of ups and downs because I’m constantly trying to enhance the mellow and suppress the “extra.”
I need to either let the mellow ride or let the extra do its thing. But this constant cycle is getting tiring for my boyfriend and me.
So I’m going to try the former—I going to try to mellow out a bit….
We will see how long that lasts…
Might be helpful to take a step back and think about other possible explanations for whatever behaviour your boyfriend did to 'set you off'. Maybe you could tell him about your feelings and ask him to accept that you know it's irrational you just need him to understand how you've seen things.
ReplyDeleteAs for mellowing out, it's difficult when you care so much about your boyfriend and the relationship. There's a threat or possible hurt because of how invested you are in it. Sounds like you're being a bit hard on yourself. First off you're not crazy, you're human. And another thing to ask yourself before you get worked up... is 'will this matter in three years time'. It really helps to add perspective.
Good luck :)
Thanks Jane! That's helpful--sometimes when I'm "in it", it's easy to lose perspective. I do like your idea about sharing my irrational behavior with my bf...he'll probably appreciate that!
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely welcome.
ReplyDeleteIt's all about getting him to understand you as much as possible. It takes the pressure off you also to be the 'perfect girlfriend'. And let's face it, a lot of us try to be perfect in relationships.
If he knows how to deal with it, then you only need to worry about how you're feeling and what you can do to resolve it :)
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